When you’re taking a shower and you find yourself thinking, “You know, there’s more than just soap and water running out of this stall. My life’s going down the drain, too,” it is time to begin playing with yourself.
Archive for the ‘nature’ Category.
Depriving a teenager of idealism is like not charging the battery of a car before you turn the ignition key and step on the gas. The car can’t go anywhere, and you flood the engine.
A young girl coarsened through preoccupation with adolescent sex lowers the value to the species of Natural Selection.
We’ve only got a little over 900,000 years to get it right. The anthropologists say a dominant species of mammal endures for a million years. Our prognosis is not very bright for dying with our integrity intact.
Wreck children at your peril. The acuteness of their pain inspires an unappeasable hunger for payback.
The way a child grows into adulthood is by having his good-natured sense of humor, his sly mischievousness, his adoring loyalty and his fine companionship discouraged and devalued systematically until he’s liberated to become a spirit-stunted prick like the rest of us.
We were creatures of stimulus-and-response when trilobites were still a hundred million years in the future.
La Difference between the Sexes: Girls are women when they’re born, while men are little boys all their lives.
When the ladies of Wall Street torched their brassieres in the late 1960s, inaugurating the age of feminism, the preponderance of men were not the chauvinistic beasts the women’s spokespeople labeled them as being. However, when the feminists objected to being treated “demeaningly” by fellows who stood up when they entered the room and made a habit of opening doors for them, then announced not only did they have the right to be promiscuous “just like you,” but had taken to regarding men strictly as sex objects, guys began to think, “You know what? This suits the hell out of me.” In the space of five or six years the feminists reversed fully three million years of the evolutionary trend affiliating men to women as post-mating husbands and fathers, a behavior not originally inherent in the anthropoid male. Consequently, most men today, if they had their druthers, would fuck at least one fresh woman every day of the week, no strings attached; and if the women didn’t like it, they could kiss the men’s asses as they left the bedroom. Did I hear somebody say Mondo Cane?
The child who has to wait until you finish what you’re doing will still be waiting when you’re no longer too busy for her, that is, when you’re dead.
The gesture of affection foregone will one day, when you’re not properly guarded, open a gash in your heart the size of a rock quarry.
Our most piquant memories are of earlier versions of ourselves and of our loved ones we don’t stand the ghost of a chance of retrieving. Our second most piquant are of splendid interludes of sun-splashed vibrancy and pregnant stillness—dreams of sweet promise— that we subsequently desecrated by the way we chose to live.
Hatred is the magma erupting from a personal volcano fueled by the hater’s irate frustration at not being able to resolve his own emotional difficulties; the target of the hatred is therefore merely a surrogate of the hater’s fractured ego. But hatred does serve a beneficial purpose: it lets us know that we should stay the hell away from such incensed creeps.
When your daughter becomes a teenager, adopt an extreme new hobby such as sky diving, hang-gliding, acrobatic snowboarding or anything else you can think of to balance your perspective rigorously and keep it in balance for the next six years.
We became human by continuously making the effort to overcome obstacles, inasmuch as it is the effort (not repose or inspiration) that ignites ingenuity. The collective wisdom of our educational elite presently calls for absolving children of this necessary experience.
I would never have survived in a completely natural habitat. I have the coward’s instinct to say, “It’s just not worth it,” and walk away rather than instantly pounce on an aggressor. My consolation is that I wouldn’t have lived long enough to father a similarly afflicted and doomed offspring, although it is also true that you would not now be subjected to my bullshit.
Whether publicly or privately, on the job or on the make, if you’re not having fun, you’re doing something wrong.
My imagination has transformed my subconscious glitches into instruments of self-annihilation.
A woman will put up with everything a man dishes out until the moment she stops loving him. After that she won’t put up with anything.
I used to threaten to tape an unabridged dictionary to my daughter’s head to keep her from growing anymore. Whenever she advanced to a new height, I was afraid she was going to lose her delectable charm. It never happened, however. Today at twenty-four she radiates the whole accumulation of beguilements she acquired at every stage of her journey. Women have it all over us. They are always what they beautifully are, whereas we are only what we’ve done or what we might be able to do if we’re lucky.